WARNING: this post contains no knitting content so if you’re just here for the knitting, move along. Those wanting a glimpse into my psyche, read on…
You see, growing up I never had to watch what I ate. I never had to exercise. I would’ve rather read a book than played a sport. I was more of the creative, artsy type. Not sporty. And thankfully I had a metabolism that supported that lifestyle or else I would’ve been 400 pounds by the age of 18. It was nice going off to college and not having to worry about the “freshman 15” because well, I just didn’t gain weight! Lucky me.
Unfortunately my luck has run out. Over the last few years my metabolism has slowed to a crawl and my weight has been creeping up and up and up. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I consider myself “fat” and anyone passing me on the street would probably not put me in the “weight problem” category but I’m just not comfortable in my own skin these days. I have a closet full of size 2 clothes that I refuse to give away because they are perfectly fine clothes and I want to wear them again!
My “luck” growing up has slapped me in the face and left me ill-equipped to deal with my current situation. I’m having to learn to eat better and learn to exercise. Exercise does not come naturally to me. Most of my life was spent not having to fit it into my day and now adjusting to it is difficult!
Fortunately and unfortunately I married a man who is a natural athlete. I say fortunately because well, he’s nice on the eyes and I’m counting on his athleticism to keep him around to a ripe old age. I say unfortunately because he has absolutely no clue what I’m going through right now. He can’t relate and it drives me crazy because the look in his eyes is almost that of disappointment and it just kills me. It all just comes so easily to him and he can’t understand why it doesn’t for me. He always dated athletic, active women and that is a label I’m not very familiar with.
So I’m taking action. I’ve discovered that when I get home from work the last thing I feel like doing is exercising. I’m exhausted already from working all day! This is why so many past exercise plans have fallen by the wayside. So I’m trying to do my (now required) exercising first thing in the morning so that when I get home from work I don’t even have to worry about it. So far it’s been great! I’ve been up at 5:30 every morning this week and at the gym by 6 for 30+ minutes on the elliptical trainer. I’ve found that I have a lot more energy during the day and it’s nice to feel like I’ve accomplished something before many people have even gotten out of bed.
And man I love the stillness of the early morning. Very few cars on the streets. Birds singing. Everything calm and still. It’s nice to have that time for myself. That time to think about anything I want. And yes it’s HARD to get my ass out of bed that early and leave the warmth of a still-sleeping husband. And every morning I do think about just staying in bed but I can’t. I just don’t have that choice anymore and I have to get used to that.
I really hope that the weight starts to come off. I’m scared to weigh myself for fear that the number will not have changed (or will have changed for the worse) and I would lose my motivation. So the scale sits in the corner of my bathroom taunting me. Hopefully it will become more of a friend than foe in the coming weeks.
My biggest problem is that I’ve noticed a change in my personality over the past few years. From a bubbly, outgoing and independent person to someone who is cranky, introverted and dependent on others. I hate it. I think a lot of it has to do with my physical appearance. I just want to get back to the “old me.”
So wish me luck as I embark on this new chapter of my life. I want (and need) for these to be lifelong changes.
I’ll be back soon with knitting content. I think I’m setting up permanent residence on Sleeve Island.
caitlynJune 15, 2006 at 12:31 pm (17 years ago)
Allison, your post really hits home for me. I was the same way growing up — I ate all the junk I wanted without it affecting my weight, and I never exercised except during the mandatory P.E. courses in school. I much preferred reading to sports. In the past 6 or 7 years, I’ve probably gained about 5 pounds — not a lot, but noticeable. Weight is just part of my concern, and so is the need to live a healthy lifestyle. I’m eating better than I used to (because my husband likes to eat healthy), but I’m still not exercising. Last summer I got motivated and started doing aerobics at home twice a week. It was going really well. Then it got cold, and somehow I stopped altogether.Reply
Your post has motivated to re-think how I could work in exercise again. I will always prefer knitting, sewing, or reading to bopping around in front of a video, but we can’t always do our favorite things all the time, right? =) And I definitely felt better about myself when I was exercising.
Thanks for sharing. I’m cheering you on!!
VeroniqueJune 15, 2006 at 9:40 pm (17 years ago)
I’m hanging on to my size 2 clothes as well! While I was finishing up my graduate work, I was stressed and ate more, but thought it was just a phase and that I would bounce back… OK, now I have my PhD, and I have no will to exercise! Argh! *sigh*Reply
CarrieJune 16, 2006 at 4:46 am (17 years ago)
I was the same way growing up as well! As soon as I turned 25, my metabolism was like, ha! Now you have to watch what you eat. It’s really hard to change your habits, and I admire you so much for getting up early – I *so* can’t do it! Just remember not to despair if the number on the scale doesn’t change right away, pay attention to how your clothes are fitting – you might be gaining muscle but still trimming up!! 🙂 Good luck, I know you can stick with it!Reply
AllisonJune 16, 2006 at 10:59 am (17 years ago)
Don’t be discouraged but it will take about three weeks to see a change. By then, though, you’ll be in the groove of it and the changes in your body will only encourage the changes you’ve made in your life. Good luck!Reply
SavidaJune 18, 2006 at 9:16 am (17 years ago)
Don’t weigh yourself!! Especially if you have never exercised before, you can put on a surprising amount of muscle when you start (when you first begin a program, you also retain more water, but this goes away). You might get back to a size 2 and actually GAIN weight.Reply
My advice is, judge by the fit of your clothes and don’t bother weighing yourself until you reach your goal size. Then weigh yourself, and use the new number for maintenance purposes.
Sharon PJune 19, 2006 at 11:06 am (17 years ago)
I totally know what you mean about the personality change. I realized I’d forgotten about joy in my life. I was busy being a wife and mother and forgot about being me. You go girl! Take care of yourself and it will be easier to take care of others.Reply
Bookish WendyJune 21, 2006 at 12:49 pm (17 years ago)
Me too, except that I knew this was coming. My family genes are exactly what you describe and I fit the bill. Never learned to eat correctly, I was active, but never because I HAD to be. Age 27, my metabolism virtually stopped. My husband is supportive and clearly loves me but has said more than once he likes me as I used to be (he too will always be a fit person). And I do too! So, I joined eDiets which is a great online service that is inexpensive. It really helped me to learn what was “good” food and what was bad food. I also joined a gym yesterday and I’m making myself go every day, just to get in the habit.Reply
Don’t get on a scale. Your cloths will tell you you’re achieving your goals…